Guy on train: I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos.
Me: *turns up music*
Guy: I said I'd fuck you if you didn't have so many tattoos!
Me: *takes off headphones* Leave. Me. Alone.
Guy: Why the fuck do you have so many tattoos?
Me:
Guy: Are you fucking deaf as well as a piece of trash?
Lady by door: Hey. Leave her alone.
Guy: Are you her trash girlfriend? Fucking dykes, all tattooed like fucking men. Disgusting waste of pussy.
Lady: *moves forward, carefully moves jacket so only I can see the badge on her belt* Are you okay?
Me: Fine. Just wish he'd go away.
Lady cop: I can make that happen.
Guy: Oh, yeah, bitch? Who the fuck are you? I'll kill you!
Lady cop: And that's what I was waiting for. *grabs guy, holds him against the door* Harassing women on the train was enough, but you just threatened a cop. You're battin' a thousand tonight.
Entire train: *applauds*

caseyanthonyofficial:

brahnanas:

caseyanthonyofficial:

Whenever I pass one of those speed limit things that measures your speed I always try to make it say 69

I didn’t know you were allowed to drive in middle school?

I just got burned so bad

lumos5001:

excessively-irish-courfeyrac:

Lestrade’s phone passcode is totally “Greg” because the only person to try to hack his phone would be Sherlock and it’s the one thing he doesn’t know.

HEADCANON SO FREAKING ACCEPTED

nowtrytherest:

Just remember: even if you can’t slay dragons and shoot fireballs from your hands, you can step over small objects in your path, and that makes you more badass than a lot of video game characters.

inkays:

me: i dont really see the point in anime figurines?? i mean what purpose do they even serve other than to just sit there and collect du-

*sees figure of fav character*

me: holy shit

consulting-space-hunter:

srsfunny:

Black Leopard’s Reaction When He Sees His Favorite Zoo Keeper

parkour into your mommas lap, this is true love

consulting-space-hunter:

srsfunny:

Black Leopard’s Reaction When He Sees His Favorite Zoo Keeper

parkour into your mommas lap, this is true love

peterhollens:

Gollum’s Song from Lord of the Rings is finally up. Please let me know what you think and pass it onto anyone that you know who loves LOTR! What’s next? You Decide.

codenamezimbabwe-art:

So this dragon trainer AU is a thing I was thinking about. Mehhh, these are sloppy but whatevs. They were quick.

peregrintoolc:

I’m thankful for all the different ways I can eat potatoes

didyoumissme-221b:

feline-ranger:

causenotsymptom:

malformalady:

Glass headstones

Imagine a graveyard full of these on a sunny day. It would be so beautiful.

I would position mine so that every day when the sun was in the right position it would set fire to the roof of someone I hated, thus achieving revenge from beyond the grave every single day.

There are two kinds of people

didyoumissme-221b:

feline-ranger:

causenotsymptom:

malformalady:

Glass headstones

Imagine a graveyard full of these on a sunny day. It would be so beautiful.

I would position mine so that every day when the sun was in the right position it would set fire to the roof of someone I hated, thus achieving revenge from beyond the grave every single day.

There are two kinds of people

jackthevulture:

Toothless’s nose in this gif is very important to me.

jackthevulture:

Toothless’s nose in this gif is very important to me.

lets-teaparty:

umlookidgaf:

twerkingobserver:

filialunaris:

bookoisseur:

tastefullyoffensive:

Notes from Management [ardentleprechaun]

::crying from laughter::

Shane needs a promotion.

what the fuck, shane

EXTENDED warranty on fried chicken LMFAOO

Shane knows how to turn work time into play time.

lets-teaparty:

umlookidgaf:

twerkingobserver:

filialunaris:

bookoisseur:

tastefullyoffensive:

Notes from Management [ardentleprechaun]

::crying from laughter::

Shane needs a promotion.

what the fuck, shane

EXTENDED warranty on fried chicken LMFAOO

Shane knows how to turn work time into play time.